Gift Worthy?

I recently encountered a situation that was very confusing... just can't seem to wrap my mind around it... so, I'm writing it out to try to figure it out...

My daughter was sent a gift. A beautiful gift by some beautiful people, and it really made her day to know that someone in her life considered her to be "gift-worthy." This lovely gesture was blemished by another person in our lives who took the attitude that somehow it reflected on my daughter's spending habits... not the person who sent the gift, but the person receiving it.... ????
I don't understand. Really don't understand.
Should we not accept gifts?
Should I have not accepted the kayaks I got for fifteen years of service at IGT?
... the televisions and other furniture from David's parents?
... the travel trailers, refrigerators, and other things from friends?
... the various office equipment, clothing or other personal goods?
If we don't have the money to pay for the object ourselves, then we're obligated to not accept the object as a gift?
Is that how it works?
I'm not sure.

Snowflakes and Fingerprints

“People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.” ~ Plato
My new friend, Chris Tinney, posted that quote on my Facebook page a couple weeks ago... and I’ve been contemplating it, and many other things, ever since.

I’ve been thinking about the movie “What the Bleep Do We know” and the water crystals...

I’ve been thinking about the book “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” and the ego-transcending lessons...

I’ve been thinking about all of the researching and searching... finding and redefining... growth and change...

I’ve been feeling and experiencing... wonder and awe... joy and compassion... love and contentment...

Living with intention, rather than sleepwalking in reactionary mode... and realizing that intention is much more than making plans...

Learning how to unclench my grip on afflictions... problematic emotions... transparency...

There is strength in letting go...

There is much freedom in letting go of past self-definitions... a reworking...

Learning how to project compassion with kindness... towards myself as well as others...

I find myself in love with the world....

Feeling more like a snowflake than a fingerprint

Odds & Ends

Last week was a little disjointed, energy-wise... much like the weather here in the high desert, I guess... a bit of sun, a bit of wind, a bit of rain or snow, a bit more sun, and so it goes...

I was denied a job because I don't have enough experience with a shovel and rake... really? Really. I guess all those summers doing side jobs landscaping and the last several years working in the Community Gardens don't count.

We almost have Cassi's room ready for her and baby... should have it done by the end of today.

Applied for a few Army civilian contractor jobs... 13-18 month stints in different locations in the Middle East... Bahrain, Afghanistan, United Arab Emirates... distance sucks, but I need a job. Like Rocky says, I can study, accept, and adapt to cultures relatively quickly.

I was once told, many years ago, "There are people who have to go out to experience the world... but there are those (like you) who don't have to, because the world shows up on their doorsteps." I'm still not entirely sure that's true of me and my life... though it seems to be coming around lately.

I've noticed the bird song is changing from the winter "where's the food? where's the food? where's the food? where's the food?"... to the spring time "oh, hey, how You doin'? like my tail feathers? whatcha doin' Saturday night? your nest or mine?"

Finally got David to enroll in TMCC... might still have to kick him in the ass before he calls and makes an appointment for a counselor... or make it for him and drive him down there.

Got a (joking) marriage proposal from one of the guys at Tent City last week... when he asked, "How did you get so beautiful?", I had to bite my tongue. It probably wouldn't have been right to tell him, "You think I'm beautiful because you're hungry, and I'm fat and have food."
Then again... what is beauty?
I do believe that everyone is a beautiful, spiritual being underneath all the human trappings... even those who forget, and live so far into the peripheral ego that they lose sight of their Core... but that's just me.

I can't wait until I can get outside and start working the land again... although I know that by the time October rolls around, I won't even want to look at a shovel. I know it's getting close... the weeds are already starting to come up... the evil mutant weeds that laugh at anything less than Agent Orange.
As soon as the ground thaws, I need to turn the soil in the boxes and the compost. I won't be able to turn two of the compost piles until June or so... when the ground squirrel babies emerge from the tunnels and nests they've built in the piles.
Regardless of weather... in a couple more weeks, I have got to get the peas, broccoli, and spinach planted... they like the cold.

It looks like one of the chickens got into a scrap with something... she lost a few claws somehow, along with quite a bit of blood... don't know if she'll survive it, but I'm keeping an eye on her.

.... as scattered as the weather....

Simplicity

It's really quite simple, folks...

If you don't want to participate in the things I'm doing, then don't participate.
If you don't believe in the concepts of what I'm doing, then don't give them consideration.
If you "don't want to hear about it," then don't watch the videos or read this blog.


If you continue to send messages to dissuade me from these things that inspire me, I will just simply stop reading anything you send.
It really is that easy.

Are we clear?

Choices

I was living with my Aunt Beth (who makes the absolute best homemade donuts ever) and attending North Eugene High...
One morning I grabbed up a small bag of the delicious pastry morsels to share with my friends, put them in with my sandwich, and headed off to school.
As I walked through the fast food restaurant parking lot toward River Road, I saw something that made my heart fall into my boots. A young boy sat at one of the patio tables outside the closed restaurant, feasting on cold fries and partial hamburgers. An older gentleman rummaged through the trash cans, drinking the dregs of "fry sauce" packages and devouring every bit of food he found. I would have guessed their ages at 6 and 60.
I paused for just a moment, taking in the scene and processing all of emotions overwhelming me. As I started walking toward them, the boy hid under the table. The older man began speaking in a language I didn't understand, but the pleading tone of his voice and hand gestures was unmistakable. I smiled at him and raised my hands, to communicate that I meant him no harm, and handed over my lunch sack.
Both his eyes and mine filled with tears of gratitude... his for the food, mine for the opportunity to reach out and make a positive contribution to their lives.

It really is that easy.

The choice is yours, every day, to make a positive contribution or turn away.
You may have stories or circumstances about why you can't, won't, or shouldn't help.
It may be completely against your personal values and ethics to help others... and I accept that... or maybe you will only help certain people, or people in certain situations... and I accept that... but don't try to tell me, "It's not that easy."

What was I thinking?

I can't sleep.
I'm not sure if it's because of the bulldog "chasing rabbits" against my back or because I just can't seem to flip the off switch on my mind... in any case, there's a whole lot of words floating around in my head that were getting pretty impatient... so, here I am.

The topic of tonight's musings is a special edition of "What was I thinking?"

No, I'm not going to entertain you with humorous stories and anecdotes... at least not this time... this is the more "serious" side of things... the kind where you think back and just have to shake your head and wonder... and hope you've grown out of it.

Tonight we're talking about trying too hard to be someone else so you can fit in, only to eventually realize the "in-crowd" could see right through it and you pretty much looked like a fool.

I got a couple extra t-shirts on that one... maybe I should donate them to homeless... hmm.

Before I turned 32 or so, I rarely fit in anywhere... the turning point for me, I think, was when I began to develop a "micro-culture" around me that allowed for my own special cultural deviance. Beyond not knowing how to create such a place, it was a difficult task, considering I had no idea I was even doing it at the time.

But before all... *waves hands around*... that... I tried reaaaaaallly hard to fit my round ass into square pigeonholes. A lot.
And I tried too hard. A lot.
And I failed. A lot.
And it was obvious what I was doing. A lot.

I look back and I can see instance after instance where all I can do is shake my head and feel grateful and hopeful that I've grown past that.
Oh, I still have set-backs every now and then, when I encounter a situation where I'm not accepted... and when I come to my senses, the first thing that crosses my mind is, "What was I thinking?"

I've recently been told that I shouldn't put "negative" labels on myself (see the previous post "The Uncanny Margie").
Who the hell said that it was "negative?"
I don't conform well to what some people believe I should act like and be like... I recognize that, I'm ok with that.
I acknowledge that some people view me as "uncanny" because I don't fit in their square pigeonhole. I'm ok with that.
so... tell me, just what part of that makes it "negative?"

People will see what they want to see... and if that means they see me as uncanny or negative or in need of mental help, then that's what they'll see.
I'm not going to try to conform to the norm.
I've got enough of those "What the hell was I thinking?" moments.

The Uncanny Margie

I was talking to a friend last night... and he told me something that I find really interesting and confuddling at the same time. He was trying to give me a different perspective on how some people view me, my actions, motivations, and work. He told me some people have a really hard time understanding because I am “uncanny.”

So... basically... if I reside in the “uncanny valley” of their perceptions, as he believes... then I’m ranking right in there with androids, prosthetics, corpses, and zombies.
In their perceptions, I resemble a human, but don’t act like what a human is supposed to act like and don’t think like what a human is supposed to think like. I’m “too lifelike” without being “real,” although they can sense that I am “real”... like those china dolls that give me shivers down my spine, I am just as “creepy.”
In reaction to my strangeness and unfamiliarity, they respond in a few different ways:
“Stop acting like that. Stop doing the things you’re doing.”
“I don’t understand the motives you claim for doing this. I’ll just create my own story about why you’re doing it, something I’m familiar with that I can understand.”
“You’re weird. I don’t want to be around you.”
“You’re too different. I’m going to beat you up.”

Of course there are some people who understand me and identify with what I’m doing... but they don’t consider me to be “uncanny.”

I’m actually rather familiar with being perceived as uncanny.
I still remember the whispers from when I was in grade school... small towns aren’t very accepting when you’re a “strange child.” I was too giving, too caring, felt too much sympathy and empathy. I could see things no one else saw, felt things other people didn’t feel, believed in things others didn’t.
All of this translated in my young adult years as, “You’re such a cute little country bumpkin.”
As an adult I’ve been dubbed as naïve and “fluffy.”
And now, I’m “uncanny.”

Is that so?

I believe in the good in mankind. I believe in innocent until proven guilty. I believe that all men are created equal... and stay equal. I believe we can overcome indoctrination. I believe we can evolve, that we don’t have to live in the past. I believe that healthy people will act in altruistic ways when given the chance. I believe that if we focus on the positive in our lives, we will bring more positives into our lives. I believe in many things that others may not understand.
If that makes me strange, naïve, fluffy, or uncanny... so be it.