If you've ever had a Digger in your garden, you probably know the frustration of toppled plants... it can be frustrating for the Digger, too... when all they wanted to do was get to know the plant.
"You said it was an herb... the top looked like pennyroyal, but I wasn't sure, so I dug up the roots... it's pennyroyal alright... and I found some others down here, too... and they're all different... see here's comfrey and here's lavender and here... why are you so mad?"
Ok... so for the past year I've been digging and digging and discovering all kinds of wonderful roots...
When I dedicated this last year to Earth, I figured I'd be working with more tangible stuff... guess digging through my own DNA history was what the Universe had planned for me instead.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
The Special Little Christmas
Aunt Beth sent me an email the other day. She sent me a letter that my great-great-aunt wrote to her grandchildren...
Beth's email:
Hello,
I was going through my papers and ran across this letter .Aunt Margie sent it to me a few years ago . Aunt Betty Harwood ( My Mom's brother Buzz's wife ) wrote this to her grandkids , and Aunt Margie got a copy sent to her . Aunt Margie got Aunt Bettys' okay to share this beautiful memory of grandma Harwood at Christmas time . I ask Aunt Betty if I could pass it on and sher said sure . I lost it , now it is found . I hope this comes through and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did . I will always keep it and read it over at this time of year . Anyhow I wanted to share it with you all , and give you a chance to share with your loved ones .
The Letter:
THE SPECIAL "LITTLE" CHRISTMAS
Your Grandpa Harwood and I decided that year we should spell his sister Margie and Sister-in-law Pat so they wouldn't have to spend another Christmas away from their homes. We would take ours for the first time away from our home and stay with Grandma Harwood in Elgin, Oregon. It seemed to be the right thing to do. I sure made our plans with a heavy heart. It would mean we were away from our home, children and grandchildren for the first time at Christmas.
We took our favorite tree ornaments and left two weeks before Christmas. The road seemed even longer than it really was and it took such a long time to get there. We drove up to the simple little white house and parked under the huge leafless limbs of a sugar maple at the edge of the yard.
The street and sidewalk was frozen iron hard and our breath frosted out in front of us. It was COLD! Grandma Harwood and your great uncle Ross was happy to see us and welcomed us.
Ross would have a chance to get out of the house more now that we were there, and Grandma enjoyed someone different to visit with.
Our days were filled with small chores, cleaning, cooking meals and helping Grandma with baths and other things she could no longer do alone.
I decorated a little plastic tree, that in my opinion didn't much resemble a tree. I sorted through the decorations in a back closet and picked out a few to brighten the rooms, but that didn't help much.
Then one afternoon when everyone except Grandma Harwood and I had gone somewhere, we sat down and visited. I told her I was sad, but made a little joke out of it because I didn't want her to feel I resented being there helping her.
She then told me about her feelings every Christmas.
She was eight years old and her mother had been quite ill for a long time. Just two weeks before Christmas she died, leaving behind five heart-broken children and a husband who could barely cope. Grandma Harwood had not had time to grieve - and had no one to help her face that grief. She told me that thereafter every Christmas she thought of her mother and how very hard it was to lose her. Every Christmas was tinged with sorrow which she would set aside so she could go on and make a nice holiday for her own family.
As we talked, I began to see what a small easy gesture it was to spend one Christmas away from my home. I was grateful that Bethel had shared her story with me. It allowed me to see this particular Christmas in a different light, and I began to think of Bethel and how I could brighten the holiday for her.
I started with Cinnamon Ornaments. I made a big batch of cinnamon & applesauce dough to roll out and cut with Christmas cookie cutters. The kitchen smelled wonderful.
Grandma had the pleasant job of picking out exactly the right cutters to use: a tree, leaping deer, star, an angel and so forth.
We put the shapes on racks and the racks on a high shelf on the enclosed back porch. They could cure in the dry air. When they were hard and leathery I strung ribbon through the holes in the top of each one. The ribbon then was threaded on a wire hook ready to hang. The tree was too small so I hung them all along the lace valance at the top of the dining room window.
It was Bethel's special fun to greet people coming in the back door and try to get them to try one of "Betty's cookies"!
It was Bethel's last Christmas and I will always be thankful I shared it.
It turned out to be one of my best Christmas memories.
* * * *
I remember those cookie cutters. My Grandma had the same ones... and so did my mom. Making and hanging these types of "special cookies" has been a tradition in my family for many generations... and it's something I plan to do with my grandchildren, too.
Beth's email:
Hello,
I was going through my papers and ran across this letter .Aunt Margie sent it to me a few years ago . Aunt Betty Harwood ( My Mom's brother Buzz's wife ) wrote this to her grandkids , and Aunt Margie got a copy sent to her . Aunt Margie got Aunt Bettys' okay to share this beautiful memory of grandma Harwood at Christmas time . I ask Aunt Betty if I could pass it on and sher said sure . I lost it , now it is found . I hope this comes through and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did . I will always keep it and read it over at this time of year . Anyhow I wanted to share it with you all , and give you a chance to share with your loved ones .
The Letter:
THE SPECIAL "LITTLE" CHRISTMAS
Your Grandpa Harwood and I decided that year we should spell his sister Margie and Sister-in-law Pat so they wouldn't have to spend another Christmas away from their homes. We would take ours for the first time away from our home and stay with Grandma Harwood in Elgin, Oregon. It seemed to be the right thing to do. I sure made our plans with a heavy heart. It would mean we were away from our home, children and grandchildren for the first time at Christmas.
We took our favorite tree ornaments and left two weeks before Christmas. The road seemed even longer than it really was and it took such a long time to get there. We drove up to the simple little white house and parked under the huge leafless limbs of a sugar maple at the edge of the yard.
The street and sidewalk was frozen iron hard and our breath frosted out in front of us. It was COLD! Grandma Harwood and your great uncle Ross was happy to see us and welcomed us.
Ross would have a chance to get out of the house more now that we were there, and Grandma enjoyed someone different to visit with.
Our days were filled with small chores, cleaning, cooking meals and helping Grandma with baths and other things she could no longer do alone.
I decorated a little plastic tree, that in my opinion didn't much resemble a tree. I sorted through the decorations in a back closet and picked out a few to brighten the rooms, but that didn't help much.
Then one afternoon when everyone except Grandma Harwood and I had gone somewhere, we sat down and visited. I told her I was sad, but made a little joke out of it because I didn't want her to feel I resented being there helping her.
She then told me about her feelings every Christmas.
She was eight years old and her mother had been quite ill for a long time. Just two weeks before Christmas she died, leaving behind five heart-broken children and a husband who could barely cope. Grandma Harwood had not had time to grieve - and had no one to help her face that grief. She told me that thereafter every Christmas she thought of her mother and how very hard it was to lose her. Every Christmas was tinged with sorrow which she would set aside so she could go on and make a nice holiday for her own family.
As we talked, I began to see what a small easy gesture it was to spend one Christmas away from my home. I was grateful that Bethel had shared her story with me. It allowed me to see this particular Christmas in a different light, and I began to think of Bethel and how I could brighten the holiday for her.
I started with Cinnamon Ornaments. I made a big batch of cinnamon & applesauce dough to roll out and cut with Christmas cookie cutters. The kitchen smelled wonderful.
Grandma had the pleasant job of picking out exactly the right cutters to use: a tree, leaping deer, star, an angel and so forth.
We put the shapes on racks and the racks on a high shelf on the enclosed back porch. They could cure in the dry air. When they were hard and leathery I strung ribbon through the holes in the top of each one. The ribbon then was threaded on a wire hook ready to hang. The tree was too small so I hung them all along the lace valance at the top of the dining room window.
It was Bethel's special fun to greet people coming in the back door and try to get them to try one of "Betty's cookies"!
It was Bethel's last Christmas and I will always be thankful I shared it.
It turned out to be one of my best Christmas memories.
* * * *
I remember those cookie cutters. My Grandma had the same ones... and so did my mom. Making and hanging these types of "special cookies" has been a tradition in my family for many generations... and it's something I plan to do with my grandchildren, too.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
quote
Enlightenment or delusion?
Who is to say which person has which
Like the evening moon they appear and fade
Not one knows exactly when.
~ Morihei Ueshiba, 1936.
Who is to say which person has which
Like the evening moon they appear and fade
Not one knows exactly when.
~ Morihei Ueshiba, 1936.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Fringe-Dweller Personality
The personality workshop I recently attended identified a lot of Fringe Dweller traits in my personality.
Fringe Dwellers have been around a long time before the movie about Aboriginal Australians, or the hit TV series, "Fringe."
They don't live on the fringe… they live in it. They think so far out of the box that some have completely discarded it or attempted to destroy it.
They are Fringe-Dwellers to reality. Many are considered geniuses, for their ability to connect seemingly exclusive data. Some are just thought to be insane. It is this macro-web thinking that drives their visionary ingenuity.
They are Fringe-Dwellers to reason. They rely heavily on intuitive interpretation of the macro-web to guide their lives, many only using data to support their visions when they must communicate to the rest of society.
They are Fringe-Dwellers to tradition. Their thought patterns, being naturally conceptual, follow a less structured, less detail-oriented path. They are tuned more to experience and exploration than following a pre-defined set of events.
They are Fringe-Dwellers to society. The intricacies and subtleties of societal politics, interpersonal relationships, and societal-emotional dependencies are usually beyond their personal realm of importance.
Most have difficulty with communicating emotions intimately rather than globally or conceptually. They have a stronger connection with "the human condition" rather than with individual beings.
None of this means they are unable to function within society or with the accepted reality. However, living within the realm of the "norm" requires a lot of energy from these personalities to keep up the facade of conformance.
Fringe Dwellers have been around a long time before the movie about Aboriginal Australians, or the hit TV series, "Fringe."
They don't live on the fringe… they live in it. They think so far out of the box that some have completely discarded it or attempted to destroy it.
They are Fringe-Dwellers to reality. Many are considered geniuses, for their ability to connect seemingly exclusive data. Some are just thought to be insane. It is this macro-web thinking that drives their visionary ingenuity.
They are Fringe-Dwellers to reason. They rely heavily on intuitive interpretation of the macro-web to guide their lives, many only using data to support their visions when they must communicate to the rest of society.
They are Fringe-Dwellers to tradition. Their thought patterns, being naturally conceptual, follow a less structured, less detail-oriented path. They are tuned more to experience and exploration than following a pre-defined set of events.
They are Fringe-Dwellers to society. The intricacies and subtleties of societal politics, interpersonal relationships, and societal-emotional dependencies are usually beyond their personal realm of importance.
Most have difficulty with communicating emotions intimately rather than globally or conceptually. They have a stronger connection with "the human condition" rather than with individual beings.
None of this means they are unable to function within society or with the accepted reality. However, living within the realm of the "norm" requires a lot of energy from these personalities to keep up the facade of conformance.
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Ladder of Inference
If you've never heard of the Ladder of Inference, I strongly advise looking it up... it's like a socio-psycho-tool that's just one step away from the concept that we create our own Reality.
We start with Observations.
Our brains gather millions of bits of data every hour. This data is like what a video camera would capture.
Then we give our Attention.
We select parts of this data to remember and expound upon.
We place Meaning on the selected data.
We make assumptions based on our past experiences and the culture around us.
We draw Conclusions.
We make determinations from our perceptions of what we see as "facts."
We adopt Beliefs about the world.
From our Assumptions and Conclusions, we determine our own global "truths."
We take Actions based on our Beliefs.
The Reflexive Loop intensifies our Beliefs.
Our Beliefs affect what data we will select the next time.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
For example:
Observable/Selected .. David has not had a steady job since September. David and I had a fight. Less than two weeks later, I find someone has been looking at help wanted ads and apartment ads in Oregon. One of David's childhood friends lives near Salem. David didn't speak to me about his actions.
Assumptions/Conclusions: David is planning to move to Oregon. He doesn't want me to know. He told his friend about our fight, so he's trying to help David move to Oregon.
Beliefs: David wants to leave me. David is unhappy in our relationship.
**All of this takes place in the seconds it takes for me to recognize the internet site.**
Actions: I slip into bed quietly, go to work the next day without waking him, without calling him at lunch as usual, etc.
**David is now climbing the Ladder of Inference, and is thinking I'm giving him the silent treatment because I'm unhappy with him because he doesn't have a job. He steps up his efforts to find a job anywhere he can.**
I'm in the Reflexive Loop. When I get home and get online, what do you think I'm looking for?
Observable .. There are several help-wanted sites in the recent history. These range all over Nevada, northern California, and Oregon. Many of the jobs looked at in the Reno area are not in David's field of expertise.
Selected .. I pay attention to those out of the area.
Assumptions/Conclusions: David is planning to move away from Reno and me.
Beliefs: All of this selected data reinforces my belief that David is planning to leave me.
However... this is where I climb off that Ladder... and in doing so, I help David come down from his.
I talk to him.
I find out that he doesn't want to leave me. He's depressed because he can't find a job here in Reno. He's feeling very down and unworthy because he can't provide for his family. He has to ask his dad for money to make the payment on his Jeep, which depressed him even more. He's decided he will do whatever it takes to be able to make money for us.
I explain that I'm in this for the long-haul. I won't give up on him just because he can't find a job. I put out the expectation that I do want him to help out more around here, though. He readily agrees and accepts, but I must also accept that with his depression comes an amount of despondency, and it's very difficult for him to get motivated to do anything.
We create a Value Agreement to help each other with what we need.
ta da.
The reality I had created wasn't Reality... but if I had kept with my behavior, it probably would have become it
We start with Observations.
Our brains gather millions of bits of data every hour. This data is like what a video camera would capture.
Then we give our Attention.
We select parts of this data to remember and expound upon.
We place Meaning on the selected data.
We make assumptions based on our past experiences and the culture around us.
We draw Conclusions.
We make determinations from our perceptions of what we see as "facts."
We adopt Beliefs about the world.
From our Assumptions and Conclusions, we determine our own global "truths."
We take Actions based on our Beliefs.
The Reflexive Loop intensifies our Beliefs.
Our Beliefs affect what data we will select the next time.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
For example:
Observable/Selected .. David has not had a steady job since September. David and I had a fight. Less than two weeks later, I find someone has been looking at help wanted ads and apartment ads in Oregon. One of David's childhood friends lives near Salem. David didn't speak to me about his actions.
Assumptions/Conclusions: David is planning to move to Oregon. He doesn't want me to know. He told his friend about our fight, so he's trying to help David move to Oregon.
Beliefs: David wants to leave me. David is unhappy in our relationship.
**All of this takes place in the seconds it takes for me to recognize the internet site.**
Actions: I slip into bed quietly, go to work the next day without waking him, without calling him at lunch as usual, etc.
**David is now climbing the Ladder of Inference, and is thinking I'm giving him the silent treatment because I'm unhappy with him because he doesn't have a job. He steps up his efforts to find a job anywhere he can.**
I'm in the Reflexive Loop. When I get home and get online, what do you think I'm looking for?
Observable .. There are several help-wanted sites in the recent history. These range all over Nevada, northern California, and Oregon. Many of the jobs looked at in the Reno area are not in David's field of expertise.
Selected .. I pay attention to those out of the area.
Assumptions/Conclusions: David is planning to move away from Reno and me.
Beliefs: All of this selected data reinforces my belief that David is planning to leave me.
However... this is where I climb off that Ladder... and in doing so, I help David come down from his.
I talk to him.
I find out that he doesn't want to leave me. He's depressed because he can't find a job here in Reno. He's feeling very down and unworthy because he can't provide for his family. He has to ask his dad for money to make the payment on his Jeep, which depressed him even more. He's decided he will do whatever it takes to be able to make money for us.
I explain that I'm in this for the long-haul. I won't give up on him just because he can't find a job. I put out the expectation that I do want him to help out more around here, though. He readily agrees and accepts, but I must also accept that with his depression comes an amount of despondency, and it's very difficult for him to get motivated to do anything.
We create a Value Agreement to help each other with what we need.
ta da.
The reality I had created wasn't Reality... but if I had kept with my behavior, it probably would have become it
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
storm
I spent the afternoon working in the garden... late into the evening...
I watched the sky darken with rain clouds long before the sun made his descent.
The scent of rain is promising... the wind still whips through the valley, turning the night colder.
I've covered the tomatoes and peppers... it was the last thing I did before coming inside.
A lovely night for a storm
I watched the sky darken with rain clouds long before the sun made his descent.
The scent of rain is promising... the wind still whips through the valley, turning the night colder.
I've covered the tomatoes and peppers... it was the last thing I did before coming inside.
A lovely night for a storm
Friday, March 28, 2008
Ego and Fear
Ego has no importance when you are living close to your Core. When you are living close to your Core, you are complete, whole, with all of your needs already met. But Ego is greedy; so it wants to keep your focus in the Walking World and other people. The more that Ego can keep us needing, wanting, desiring things outside ourselves, the more it can control us with fear.
To live close to your Core, you confront fear. It’s not always your own fear, but the fear of others: the ones who need you to need them, because they are controlled by the Ego’s fear. When you are whole inside your own Core, you live in a state of loving. You are complete. You don’t need anyone. And that scares people because they don’t have any way of binding you to them. They fear losing you. Then they just fear you.
They don’t understand because their Ego is so rooted in other people, they lose sight of their own Core. They create a false one that’s based on other people. It’s based on fulfilling other people’s needs and desires, or vice versa. When they have nothing to offer you that you don’t already get from yourself, they fear.
Stay close to your Core. Don’t give in to their fear, guilt, blame, shame. Don’t bother trying to explain, either. Most of the time they won’t get it. Most of the time they will not understand that from the position of Core you can love them truer and deeper than any place of need and Ego.
To live close to your Core, you confront fear. It’s not always your own fear, but the fear of others: the ones who need you to need them, because they are controlled by the Ego’s fear. When you are whole inside your own Core, you live in a state of loving. You are complete. You don’t need anyone. And that scares people because they don’t have any way of binding you to them. They fear losing you. Then they just fear you.
They don’t understand because their Ego is so rooted in other people, they lose sight of their own Core. They create a false one that’s based on other people. It’s based on fulfilling other people’s needs and desires, or vice versa. When they have nothing to offer you that you don’t already get from yourself, they fear.
Stay close to your Core. Don’t give in to their fear, guilt, blame, shame. Don’t bother trying to explain, either. Most of the time they won’t get it. Most of the time they will not understand that from the position of Core you can love them truer and deeper than any place of need and Ego.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
musing
The evening is cold and windy. More snow coming.
The snow still sits on Peavine, but my garden is already started. The shelves sitting behind me are green with fresh new starts, leaning and bending toward the window. pretty little things. I note idly that the cucumbers and corn will need to be re-potted and thinned before the end of the weekend. I need more shelves.
I picked up a few dozen nightcrawlers for the compost bin. Thankfully, the raven who's been visiting prefers the pile of manure in the back.
I've decided I'm not planting any flowers this year... well... except for the sunflowers for Laramie and the snapdragons for Cassi. My planters will be used for herbs, vegetables, and strawberries.
So much to do, so much to do.
But there's still snow on Peavine.
I'm stuffed from dinner... breakfast for dinner tonight... yum. Nothing beats fresh eggs to go with waffles and organic sausage.
The gander tells me that Laramie's home from her friend's house. He's such a funny bird.
The snow still sits on Peavine, but my garden is already started. The shelves sitting behind me are green with fresh new starts, leaning and bending toward the window. pretty little things. I note idly that the cucumbers and corn will need to be re-potted and thinned before the end of the weekend. I need more shelves.
I picked up a few dozen nightcrawlers for the compost bin. Thankfully, the raven who's been visiting prefers the pile of manure in the back.
I've decided I'm not planting any flowers this year... well... except for the sunflowers for Laramie and the snapdragons for Cassi. My planters will be used for herbs, vegetables, and strawberries.
So much to do, so much to do.
But there's still snow on Peavine.
I'm stuffed from dinner... breakfast for dinner tonight... yum. Nothing beats fresh eggs to go with waffles and organic sausage.
The gander tells me that Laramie's home from her friend's house. He's such a funny bird.
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