The Ladder of Inference

If you've never heard of the Ladder of Inference, I strongly advise looking it up... it's like a socio-psycho-tool that's just one step away from the concept that we create our own Reality.

We start with Observations.
Our brains gather millions of bits of data every hour. This data is like what a video camera would capture.

Then we give our Attention.
We select parts of this data to remember and expound upon.

We place Meaning on the selected data.
We make assumptions based on our past experiences and the culture around us.

We draw Conclusions.
We make determinations from our perceptions of what we see as "facts."

We adopt Beliefs about the world.
From our Assumptions and Conclusions, we determine our own global "truths."

We take Actions based on our Beliefs.

The Reflexive Loop intensifies our Beliefs.
Our Beliefs affect what data we will select the next time.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

For example:
Observable/Selected .. David has not had a steady job since September. David and I had a fight. Less than two weeks later, I find someone has been looking at help wanted ads and apartment ads in Oregon. One of David's childhood friends lives near Salem. David didn't speak to me about his actions.
Assumptions/Conclusions: David is planning to move to Oregon. He doesn't want me to know. He told his friend about our fight, so he's trying to help David move to Oregon.
Beliefs: David wants to leave me. David is unhappy in our relationship.
**All of this takes place in the seconds it takes for me to recognize the internet site.**
Actions: I slip into bed quietly, go to work the next day without waking him, without calling him at lunch as usual, etc.
**David is now climbing the Ladder of Inference, and is thinking I'm giving him the silent treatment because I'm unhappy with him because he doesn't have a job. He steps up his efforts to find a job anywhere he can.**

I'm in the Reflexive Loop. When I get home and get online, what do you think I'm looking for?
Observable .. There are several help-wanted sites in the recent history. These range all over Nevada, northern California, and Oregon. Many of the jobs looked at in the Reno area are not in David's field of expertise.
Selected .. I pay attention to those out of the area.
Assumptions/Conclusions: David is planning to move away from Reno and me.
Beliefs: All of this selected data reinforces my belief that David is planning to leave me.

However... this is where I climb off that Ladder... and in doing so, I help David come down from his.
I talk to him.
I find out that he doesn't want to leave me. He's depressed because he can't find a job here in Reno. He's feeling very down and unworthy because he can't provide for his family. He has to ask his dad for money to make the payment on his Jeep, which depressed him even more. He's decided he will do whatever it takes to be able to make money for us.
I explain that I'm in this for the long-haul. I won't give up on him just because he can't find a job. I put out the expectation that I do want him to help out more around here, though. He readily agrees and accepts, but I must also accept that with his depression comes an amount of despondency, and it's very difficult for him to get motivated to do anything.
We create a Value Agreement to help each other with what we need.

ta da.

The reality I had created wasn't Reality... but if I had kept with my behavior, it probably would have become it